Sorry. I haven't had much time to blog lately. The last month has been crazy. Things that have been going on:
We went on vacation.
My sister got married.
I got to meet my new niece for the first time.
Mother has been in the hospital, out of the hospital, in the hospital.
I've been working 50-55 hour weeks at work and if it wasn't for the fact that I like food, air conditioning and a roof over my head I would have quit yesterday.
Daughter came home with blue hair.
Too many funerals.
School start in 3 weeks and I have to get daughter's senior pictures, announcements, and other misc. "senior" things ordered.
I am on jury duty for the next 3 months.
Daughter and husband have been sick with various ailments on and off all month.
I have been to the endocronologist and found out I have severe vitamin deficiencies and am now on prescription supplements.
And all I want to do is sleep.
I think I need a maid....or a wife.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Forever Changed
The line wound through the rooms, snaking here and there, people trying to make room for each other. Some people watched the images being shown on tv monitors placed throughout the building, others just stood quietly, looking ahead. In the background was the sound of talking, laughing...and crying.
Every so often someone would pass by that we or I knew and of course we exchanged pleasantries. Short conversations as they made their way to the back of the line. What are you really supposed to say to people here other than the traditional "Hi. How are you?"
Every so often the line would move forward. Waiting patiently. Nobody minds. It's the least we can do.
Finally, our place in line makes it to the main room. So many people. So many teenagers...friends.
As we got closer to the front of the room it got harder.
I try to distract myself by looking at the flowers, at the small remembrances people have sent that were scattered on tables throughout the room. B had told me when we were farther back in line that it would be a closed casket. I had to look to make sure. I don't think I could have gone forward if it had been open.
The line divides into two. One line on the right for those who wish to express their condolences to the family, the other, on the left, for the young people who are using paint pens to write small notes...their good-byes...on the casket.
As we are about 10 people back the mother breaks down, sobbing convulsively. Her brother helps her sit on a sofa. The father standing there, looking bewildered, still greeting those who make their way to the front of the room. Trying to be strong for his wife.
I hold his hand between both of my own. He tells us his heart is broken. I hug her and tell her how sorry I am. She smiles and says thank you.
My mind wonders at how they are able to hold it together as well as they are. Their daughter is gone. Could I be as strong?
I pause for a minute before we turn to make our way out of the room and watch three young people write their messages on the casket with silver paint pens. One girl is crying as she writes, another lays her hand on the casket and says a prayer. The boy just hangs his head.
We sit on a sofa for a moment before we leave and it is only then that I allow myself to watch the images on the monitor that is next to us.
Baby pictures. A day at the beach. Standing with her sisters. Graduation last month. Such a beautiful young lady. Only 18. Going to college in the fall. Now she's gone.
Why?
Tuesday night. Four teens in a car. Late coming home. Didn't want to miss curfew. Dropped one boy off. Going too fast. Lost control. Of the three, one survived but in critical condition. Two dead. The brother of someone I used to work with. And this beautiful young woman. The daughter of a co-worker.
My daughter went out Tuesday night with friends. I can't even go there in my head.
We talked quietly in the car on the way home. As we walk in the door, daughter calls out from the living room. I ask her to come into the kitchen. She walks in and it is all I can do to not crush her as I wrap my arms around her and just thank God.
I dreamt about this family in my sleep last night.
Tomorrow we will be spending the day with family. Tomorrow they will be mourning the loss of theirs.
Every so often someone would pass by that we or I knew and of course we exchanged pleasantries. Short conversations as they made their way to the back of the line. What are you really supposed to say to people here other than the traditional "Hi. How are you?"
Every so often the line would move forward. Waiting patiently. Nobody minds. It's the least we can do.
Finally, our place in line makes it to the main room. So many people. So many teenagers...friends.
As we got closer to the front of the room it got harder.
I try to distract myself by looking at the flowers, at the small remembrances people have sent that were scattered on tables throughout the room. B had told me when we were farther back in line that it would be a closed casket. I had to look to make sure. I don't think I could have gone forward if it had been open.
The line divides into two. One line on the right for those who wish to express their condolences to the family, the other, on the left, for the young people who are using paint pens to write small notes...their good-byes...on the casket.
As we are about 10 people back the mother breaks down, sobbing convulsively. Her brother helps her sit on a sofa. The father standing there, looking bewildered, still greeting those who make their way to the front of the room. Trying to be strong for his wife.
I hold his hand between both of my own. He tells us his heart is broken. I hug her and tell her how sorry I am. She smiles and says thank you.
My mind wonders at how they are able to hold it together as well as they are. Their daughter is gone. Could I be as strong?
I pause for a minute before we turn to make our way out of the room and watch three young people write their messages on the casket with silver paint pens. One girl is crying as she writes, another lays her hand on the casket and says a prayer. The boy just hangs his head.
We sit on a sofa for a moment before we leave and it is only then that I allow myself to watch the images on the monitor that is next to us.
Baby pictures. A day at the beach. Standing with her sisters. Graduation last month. Such a beautiful young lady. Only 18. Going to college in the fall. Now she's gone.
Why?
Tuesday night. Four teens in a car. Late coming home. Didn't want to miss curfew. Dropped one boy off. Going too fast. Lost control. Of the three, one survived but in critical condition. Two dead. The brother of someone I used to work with. And this beautiful young woman. The daughter of a co-worker.
My daughter went out Tuesday night with friends. I can't even go there in my head.
We talked quietly in the car on the way home. As we walk in the door, daughter calls out from the living room. I ask her to come into the kitchen. She walks in and it is all I can do to not crush her as I wrap my arms around her and just thank God.
I dreamt about this family in my sleep last night.
Tomorrow we will be spending the day with family. Tomorrow they will be mourning the loss of theirs.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
They like me, they really like me!
Just wanted to share the pretty flowers that the directors at work sent me today for my 7th anniversary with them. Totally unexpected and very nice.
I can't believe I've been there seven years. That is the longest I have ever been at one job. I have never been fired from a job. I am easily bored though so I would just get bored and move on to the next job that interested me. I can honestly say that I have never been bored where I work now. Oh, the stories I could tell. But, alas, I have signed a non-disclosure agreement so I can't LOL.
Maybe some day I'll write a book. Yeah, a book! A work of fiction! It would have to be labeled that as no one would believe me if I wrote about half the things I have put up with and dealt with in the last seven years.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
What are you supposed to say when...
you've called your father to get an update on your mom's condition and he makes a joke about drinking and when you question him about what he means he calmly says "Oh, didn't your mother ever tell you? I used to be an alcoholic." WHAAATTT?!?!
I mean, what am I supposed to say in response to that?
"Gee, sorry to hear that." or "Glad you got that one under control." ???? What the hell!!! No, mom never told me that!
Of course, it explains a lot of what I remember of my childhood and incidents that are hazy but still significant in my mind.
And it certainly does not give him an excuse for his actions in the past. Not in the least. In fact it just makes things worse.
Do I tell my brothers and sisters? Do they already know? No, if they knew I would have known too before now. Some of them may not have been even born during the time frame of when he says he had the problem. But I think I should tell them. They have a right to know too.
Just another thing to add to the list of ways my family is dysfunctional.
I mean, what am I supposed to say in response to that?
"Gee, sorry to hear that." or "Glad you got that one under control." ???? What the hell!!! No, mom never told me that!
Of course, it explains a lot of what I remember of my childhood and incidents that are hazy but still significant in my mind.
And it certainly does not give him an excuse for his actions in the past. Not in the least. In fact it just makes things worse.
Do I tell my brothers and sisters? Do they already know? No, if they knew I would have known too before now. Some of them may not have been even born during the time frame of when he says he had the problem. But I think I should tell them. They have a right to know too.
Just another thing to add to the list of ways my family is dysfunctional.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
You know you live in the country when...
an escaped horse (from where I have no idea) galloping back and forth across the main street in town blocks both lanes of traffic for blocks! I had to laugh! Plus it gave me a great excuse for being late to work.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My cheeks are pink (both sets)!
Today on my lunch hour I managed to...
go to the park and do a mile around the walking path,
go to the bank,
stop at the ATM,
go to Subway,
go to the gas station and fill my tank,
all while exposing my backside to who knows how many strangers as somehow and somewhere during said lunch hour I managed to rip the seat of my jeans wide open from the top of my back pocket to the bottom of my seat and never realized it until I came back to work and someone pointed it out to me. Luckily I was wearing my cute orange and pink flowered undies and not a thong or something. As it is I will not be able to look the kindergartners at the park or the old men at the gas station, should I see them again, in the eye, for a very long time.
go to the park and do a mile around the walking path,
go to the bank,
stop at the ATM,
go to Subway,
go to the gas station and fill my tank,
all while exposing my backside to who knows how many strangers as somehow and somewhere during said lunch hour I managed to rip the seat of my jeans wide open from the top of my back pocket to the bottom of my seat and never realized it until I came back to work and someone pointed it out to me. Luckily I was wearing my cute orange and pink flowered undies and not a thong or something. As it is I will not be able to look the kindergartners at the park or the old men at the gas station, should I see them again, in the eye, for a very long time.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
14!!!!
That's the size jean, short and pant I'm in now! Size 14!!! 8 months ago I was wearing a size 22 jean. And now I'm in a 14. I can't remember the last time I was that small. Definitely pre-pregnancy.
---------------------------------------
I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day. Mine was very nice. Daughter MADE me a beautiful rose plate, bowl and vase in art class. Absolutely gorgeous and I shall treasure them forever. Hubby bought me a beautiful diamond cocktail ring which he gave me early on Friday afternoon. He was so sweet when he gave it to me it made me cry. I am a very lucky woman.
---------------------------------------
Daughter took her ACTs again and got a 27 this time so she went up two points. Yay! Hopefully this will means more scholarship money. She takes it one more time in June and we're hoping for a 30.
---------------------------------------
Did anyone else catch the Biggest Loser finale last night? I so wanted Tara to win. Or Mike. And can I just say one thing to the women on the show last night?
SLEEVES!!
Please. If you have the wiggly, jiggly upper arms that are so common when you are losing weight and you are losing faster then your skin can catch up, the Michelle Obama sleeveless look is not for you. And if you must go sleeveless then please don't lift your arms above your head and wave. Seeing that reminds me of bedsheets flapping in the wind on a clothesline. Sorry but it's true.
---------------------------------------
It's 1:00 am and I am writing this while waiting for my newly scrubbed kitchen floor to dry. So I'm off to check the floor, move the furniture back in, take a shower and maybe catch a few hours of sleep. Later!
---------------------------------------
I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day. Mine was very nice. Daughter MADE me a beautiful rose plate, bowl and vase in art class. Absolutely gorgeous and I shall treasure them forever. Hubby bought me a beautiful diamond cocktail ring which he gave me early on Friday afternoon. He was so sweet when he gave it to me it made me cry. I am a very lucky woman.
---------------------------------------
Daughter took her ACTs again and got a 27 this time so she went up two points. Yay! Hopefully this will means more scholarship money. She takes it one more time in June and we're hoping for a 30.
---------------------------------------
Did anyone else catch the Biggest Loser finale last night? I so wanted Tara to win. Or Mike. And can I just say one thing to the women on the show last night?
SLEEVES!!
Please. If you have the wiggly, jiggly upper arms that are so common when you are losing weight and you are losing faster then your skin can catch up, the Michelle Obama sleeveless look is not for you. And if you must go sleeveless then please don't lift your arms above your head and wave. Seeing that reminds me of bedsheets flapping in the wind on a clothesline. Sorry but it's true.
---------------------------------------
It's 1:00 am and I am writing this while waiting for my newly scrubbed kitchen floor to dry. So I'm off to check the floor, move the furniture back in, take a shower and maybe catch a few hours of sleep. Later!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)